Posted: January 6, 2014 Filed under: calm, conflict | Tags: conflict
Happy New Year!
Sorry it has been so quiet around here. I guess it’s been so quiet around here because it’s been SO. NOISY around HERE. The break was great – two weeks really felt LONG, but a good LONG. When I had little ones I was very excited for them to go back to school; they were needy and hyper and whiny. Now, I have big kids and they are fun and funny and still sometimes needy and whiny, but not so much. Anyhow we had fun, had friends visit, ate out and too much, laughed a lot, cuddled and nuzzled and played and rested.
And, now it is 2014; alarms went off way too early this morning and the yellow buses came and shuttled everyone away.
I got a really nice email today from an old client. I have asked and received permission from him to share his kind and insightful words here on my blog. I feel they are helpful to anyone thinking about therapy and also for all of us who become caught up in our emotions in the heat of the moment:
I can’t believe it has been almost 6 months since my last therapy session with you and I still think about the things I learned with you almost on a daily basis. I am very honored to tell you that my wife I are doing great and we have improved our communication tremendously. Our daughter is also doing great.
I wanted to share this with you because after an argument the other day with my wife she mentioned that when I’m in a “panic” or in a situation where I lose myself I don’t listen. So we came up with a “code” word for her to use so that I can snap out of that zone and listen. The word she created for me was
SLOPE. As in the slopes of a hill where I go snowboarding 🙂
Slow your pace
Lower your voice
Open up to listening
Process the moment
I found this to be EXTREMELY helpful because I have associated this word with an instant snap back to reality and a sign that I’m not doing things right. I thought about sharing with you in case you have other “loco” patients like me that could make good use of a code word like this :):)
Thanks again for a wonderful 2013….
I love his word. I have a sticky note on my bulletin board at my office that says PAUSE. It delivers the same message as his SLOPE, but is not as creative and thought out. I had written it years ago after discussing the process of PAUSE and LISTEN with a client who was having challenges with conflict resolution. I found it to be helpful for not only my client, but for myself as well and I put it on the board to remember the importance of the PAUSE.
As we enter a new year with hope and goals let us not forget to PAUSE and SLOPE and pay attention to those with whom we interact on a daily basis – we may find less conflict and more connection as we learn to slow down, listen and process the moment.
Happy 2014 to all!
Who doesn’t love this bumper sticker on my bulletin board?
My post-it note